Shirley's Page

LOVE IS ALL ABOUT DIRTY HANDS!

Wow!  I've read many books about the differences between love and infatuation but hearing those words from a gifted preacher, Alvin Barcelona, was just WOW!

So little words used yet those little words seem to encompass what love really is... a love at work.  Oh, we all know this, I'm sure, but somehow, sometimes we need to be reminded because daily life takes its toll on what's up there in our head and what's beating in our hearts.  When work irritates, when emotions get heated, when we just want to be comfortable, but still we go to work, we still care for our families, we still give our time and presence, those are the times when we really put our proclamations of commitment into action.  It's not easy and everyday the cycle of ecstasy, disillusionment, & decision repeats.  But hey, as the song says, life is a roller coaster.  The downs are as much part of it as the ups.  You can close your eyes, quake in fear, or jump out of the wagon, but as long as you're in it, why not just enjoy the ride and see the sights? At the end of that ride we can at least tell our waiting Father, how wonderful it was and see Him smile proudly!

Link

    Why is it so hard for people to apologize?  Why is it that long-winded explanations come first before the most-awaited "I'm sorry"?  Why is it that we feel the need to justify our actions first or give reasons why the person should understand us before we can ask for forgiveness?

   Because we expect to be forgiven.  Immediately.  Right after we release our heartfelt "sorry", we feel like we've done our part in the reconciliation process, and that it's now the other person's obligation to forgive us.  But we oftentimes forget that when we ask for forgiveness, we cannot always get it.  That when we beg for the grace and mercy of the person we offended, sometimes, that person is not yet ready to be forgiving.  For whatever reason, the hand we extend is not accepted, the supplication we do is met with a cold stare, the knock we make meet a continuing closed door.  Then we are left frustrated and angry, feeling like WE are now the offended party.  We forget that no matter how small our fault is, it is our responsibility to set it right.  If the other person is not yet ready to accept our sincere apologies, it is his or her right.  The person may need the time to heal so when he or she says everything is okay now, the words will not be shallowly made. 

   Children are great in the forgiveness department.  When you say you're sorry and they feel your sincerity, they immediately give you a smile and say "okay!"  It does not mean that they were not hurt by what you said or did, in fact their tender sensitive hearts wound easily.  But a child's love is so great, so generous and so kind, that he can wipe away his tears, look into your eyes and hug you once again.  In these moments, I believe that God is letting you taste a little of what heaven's embrace is like. I believe that this is one of the virtues Christ was talking about when He said that we should be like children to enter His Kingdom. 

   Hell is when you feel the fire of remorse in the deepest pit of your soul and you cannot find a single way to let anyone know how sorry you are for what you've said or done.  I guess heaven is finding the forgiveness you seek, but the first step of being able to ask for it is already a foot in the door of heaven.

 

I’m having an affair.

For a long time, I haven’t felt this alive.  It feels like being in high school once again.  The constant spark that leaves me burning with passion, creates a mark of secret smiles that I carry all day long.  The mystery is hidden but my eyes are unable to hide the new and deeper discoveries I carry.

It all seems the more alluring as we are together in plain sight, only our minds and our hearts shout to each other, reaching out over the distance.  The secrets I have with him become sacred because I know he will never reveal them to a single soul.  He is my refuge.  I go to him when the day becomes too much, when everyday life becomes a confusing tangle of mess, when my thoughts become my enemy and my emotions are raging.  I cling to him in hopeless abandon, surrendering all of myself, forgetting who and what I am.  I sneak away, sometimes in the middle of a day, just to be with him even for a few minutes.  He never tells me no.  I cry and he wipes away my tears.  I surrender myself and he cleanses me and helps me get on my feet again.  I ramble on and on and on and still, he listens.  Sometimes I feel guilty for making him my sounding board, but the joy in his eyes whenever he sees me, erases all my doubts.  All the hesitancies disappear as I gaze into his most amazing, beautiful face.  Always, just thinking about him makes me tingle all over, like I can do anything, I can be anyone. 

Jesus Christ.

He is my rock, my refuge, my secret love affair.

Like every person’s most cherished memory, the first kiss, the first touch, I hold Him sacred inside me.  Outwardly, people may notice, they may suspect a little.  But they will never ever fathom the depth of my love for him or His for me.  He is my best kept secret, my most sacred one. 

    I just had my regular nesting instinct so every corner corner of the house got cleaned.  So did every box of hidden memorabilia already collecting a little bit of dust. 

    At one corner of a cabinet I saw two familiar shoeboxes.  They were full of cassette tapes.  I lifted them up carefully, almost with reverence.  They contain all my favorite albums ranging back to high school.  As I opened them, I felt like I was being taken back to all the emotional ups and downs of teenage life, the discovery of myself in college, and the independence of my single years.  I had Lea Salonga's first few albums, Roxette (the rave over "It Must Have Been Love" was unbelievable!), Color Me Badd, Savage Garden, Peter Cetera, Michael Learns to Rock... 
    But what I really love are my collection of soundtrack albums.  Remember when they use to have a soundtrack released with almost every movie?  A lot of great songs are actually first heard from movie themes and somehow, for me, listening to them, was like creating your own movie.  I miss them.  At this era of CDs and other digital contraptions, songs have a way of ending up compiled and boxed into artist and genre categories.  It is so seldom nowadays that I get to be so lucky to find a CD soundtrack of a movie I like.  When I do, I make sure I grab them lest they disappear or get recalled in but a week's time!  (not fair for budgeting moms who are romantics/frustrated broadway performer at heart!)

    I used to listen the whole night to the music and songs of Disney's Aladdin and Hercules.  Because it was in tape, I get to listen and APPRECIATE ALL of it!  I got to memorize the lyrics, familiarize the orchestration, and relive the movie in my mind.  To all parents out there, it was a great brain teaser!  Something I hope my kids could one day enjoy.  According to a friend, one of the greatest problems of kids in school today is their inattention to details because they don't really know how to listen effectively.  Maybe letting them watch a good wholesome movie and playing the soundtrack later on while they retell the story can be a good exercise :) 

    Anyway, going back to my praising of soundtracks, I wish the movie and music industry can once again come together to give us those soundtrack albums in CDs.  Because when you really take the time to listen, songs within those albums are so in harmony despite their unique differences that listening to them is like listening to life - the story is in the ears of the listener.  The movie is the one you create...


By the way, if anybody knows how I could get my hand on soundtrack albums like:
The Fifth Element
Interview with the Vampire
Encino Man
The PageMaster
Duets
What Women Want
Disney Movies (Individual albums please, not the one they compile everything from zippydee do dah to Under the Sea!)
MISS SAIGON, the Original London Casting

and very highly recommended (and most wanted)
Kenny Loggins' RETURN TO POOH CORNER 

Please let me know!  Thank you thank you!

This is a great book by Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book.  It speaks of Reality Discipline which is the balance between the extreme authoritarian parenting and the permissive parenting.  It deals with presenting children with reality in a loving and guiding way and using this reality to teach them on how to deal with their emotions, how to gradually make their own decisions, and hopefully become the mature, responsible, God-fearing adults we parents fervently hope they'd be.  Dr. Leman makes parents understand without judgment.  His words are fun and filled with humor that reading his books actually feels like talking to a favorite uncle or an older friend.  When in times when you feel like losing your mind in the midst of all the wailing and all the running around to get your mommy-errands done, sneak a little peak of the few pages from this book and it just might (I said "might" so it all really depends on how loud your toddler is, or how heated you are because of your teenager's selective deafness) aleviate some frustrations and make you smile a little, enough to make you believe again that parenthood is the best job in the world!

I sometimes watch my son as he sleeps and he always, (always!) looks like a little angel.  But there are times when awake that this little angel drives me crazy!  Most of the time, I'm proud of myself for being able to hold on to my patience and stay "firm but kind".  Most of the time, all the readings and psych trainings pay off.

What about those times of my being less-than-super mom?  Those are the times that I run back to my books, seek the advice of other moms, take a time-out myself, or seek a quiet moment to pray for strength and forgiveness.  Those are the times that as he sleeps I get to whisper into his ears that I love him with all my heart and that I'm sorry for raising my voice and losing my patience.  (I heard somewhere that when you talk to a person while he sleeps, even his unconscious gets the message )

I love the relationship between the Disney Winnie the Pooh characters Mrs. Kanga and her son, Roo.  I remember cuddling my eldest while we watched repeatedly Pooh's Heffalump Movie.  I would sing along with Mrs. Kanga's "Little Mr. Roo" song and I would feel my baby's tiny hands tightening their grip on me.  I believe he, too, felt the meaning of the song.  When he was barely two-years old, he would demand that everyone called him Roo.  He answered to no name other than that.

Like Mrs. Kanga, I feel my little boy growing up.  For a mom, it feels like he's growing up "too fast, too soon".  Whenever he shows me how he can do things on his own or how tall he's getting, I could barely stop myself from blurting out that I want him to be my baby forever!  I sometimes wish that my brain could be like a digital camera where I could take snap shots of special moments and review them at my whim. 

Anyway, I know that in the future, however grown-up my little boy may be,  he will always be my "Little Mr. Roo".

Little Mr. Roo Little Mr. Roo Reaching Up For The Moon So many things you got to do Have no time for dreaming Little Mr. Roo Let the stars shine over you Don't grow up too fast, too soon Save some time for dreaming settle in, settle down Let me see that sleepy yawn on your face Close your eyes I will love you completely and always Little Mr. Roo The moon shines silver over you No one knows you like I do And Little Mr. Roo Reaching For The Moon Don't grow up too fast, too soon

This Christmas, I swore to myself that when I get to receive presents, I will abandon all my practicality and thriftiness by tearing all the wrappers! 

I was one of the many in my generation who, from the time I was a toddler, was taught to carefully, oh ever so carefully, open my presents so that we can save the beautiful wrappers and ribbons which we can still use on another occasion.  I remember seemingly endless minutes of trying to pry and peel off sticky scotch tapes so I wouldn't tear the wrapper.  I remember fighting the urge to rip the papers apart because I was just so excited to see what lies beneath!  Imagine being less than seven years old and being that careful!  I should have had a medal for utter self-control!

Now that I'm a mother, I let my child loose!  All the pent-up frustration I had explodes with every shared laughter as I help him choose what gift to open next and see him rip the wrappers.  I smile as I bask in the pure pleasure of being surrounded with the blissful mixture of gifts, papers, tags, and ribbons all strewn about.  It's like being in the middle of a circus: colorful, messy, and fun!  That's right, I have decided that in these special occasions, I would be completely impractical!  After all, I believe that people wrap gifts intending for them to be opened with eager hands :)

So my advice to you this Christmas is... LET IT RIP! 

(Oh, but I reserve the right to keep and recycle those nice expensive souvenir carry bags that go with the gifts hehehe!)

My son came home the other day and told me that their teacher read to them the story of a reindeer with a red nose.  And when I asked him if it was about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, he excitedly cried out "Yes!"  He asked why Rudolph has a red nose and I told him that it was what Papa Jesus gave him so that when everything blacks out, he would be there to help light the way.

Last night, he danced and played along with his drums as the music of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer played on the background.  We had it on repeat since he would not have any other music.  As I was laughingly watching him, I got to thinking...

There are lines in the song that say, "Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"  

It was then a foregone conclusion that Rudolph cheerfully said "Yes!" to Santa as the line continued, "then all the reindeers loved him as they shouted out with glee!"

What if he said no?  What if he hesitated and said "next time na lang"?  What if he let his fear and resentment take over instead?  The song would not be as nice now, would it?

I admire Rudolph.  He had the courage to trust his master, Santa.  He was brave enough to say yes and take the chance to prove himself.  He must have suffered some insecurities after all the cruelty and ridicule of the other reindeers.  He must have had some great fear of leading a group that was not even nice to him.  A lesser reindeer may have even blamed Santa for not being able to protect him from the others.  But instead of pitying himself and rebelling against his master, he endured his burden.  And when Santa called, he answered.  It must not have been easy and all glory.  As the leading reindeer, he also must have known the risk of being the first to crash at the slightest mistake.  But still, he said yes.  And that's why of all the reindeers, he was the one who went "down in history".